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Author Topic: What on earth did I just c/p'd?
MewtwoSama
Asshole
Member # 12

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posted 05-09-2005 02:32 PM      Profile for MewtwoSama   Author's Homepage   Email MewtwoSama   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Anal bleaching is a hot topic here – “You women do that?!?!,” asked one poster, and then answered his own question with, “WHY?!?!”

Anal bleaching is just one of a wide variety of new non-invasive procedures that assist in creating Total Colo-Rectal Beauty. All TCRB components help not only appearance and hygiene, but assist in restoring the lost youthful innocence, elasticity, and confidence that age and improper food choices often erase.

TCRB is not just a catchword – it’s a beautiful and natural lifestyle.

If you’re tired of looking at a pulsating mini-me of the Giant Caves of Borneo in a UPS delivery truck color scheme, imagine what others think when they view your well-used and discolored Portal of Secrets (POS). And no amount of quick-fix items like Viewana or Lookout Below will ever get to the root of your discomfort in sharing your POS, because these sort of anal makeups are coverups and do not address the three primary reasons for anal discoloration and disfigurement. They do not eradicate those rather freakish effects.

As for anal dyes, the longterm effects of mineral and petroleum-based pigments on and about the unique anal skin and color-rectal musculature have yet to be determined. But if overuse of hair dye contributes to bladder cancer, imagine what harsh dyes might do when applied directly to tender surface and deep tissues…

Rule 1: Garbage in, dark feces out – It all starts with food and drink. The dyes in processed foods and soft drinks will carry as far in your system as the liquid carriers allow. When someone says a cola drinks or coffee went “right through me,” that’s the literal truth, and on the way out the cola colors, food dyes, and darker red meats leave microscopic color particles that, over a period of years through continuing passes over the anal tissue, recolor your natural anus to an unnatural hue. If your face looked like your anus, you’d get it corrected quickly, wouldn’t you? And that’s because everyone would see.

But it is vastly more important that those special areas of your precious body, to be viewed, cherished, and photographed (and videoed) by you and your loved one(s), are as sparkling and attractive as your face. If the damage is already done, your best simple and low-cost option is anal bleaching.

Rule 2: Keep it clean at all times – Before his untimely demise, the critically acclaimed rap artist Tupac offered timeless words of wisdom to his “posse” after being asked what it took to have attractive women surround one. His answer was an elegantly simple reply: “Do some situps and wash your ass.”

While keeping your POS in tip-top working shape via various baby wipes is mandatory for POS health, no matter how hard you rub you cannot erase the damage and discoloration caused by years of previous poor food choices and average anal cleansing. Anal bleaching, however, can take you back to those pre-damage years.

Rules 3: Wipe IN and OUT – Chances are that you have not revisited your wiping procedures since they were first established at age 2-4. Children’s motor skills at that age are fairly rough and, no matter how well-intended the instruction, the lifelong tendency is to cross wipe up and down, and/or across, and smear the feces around the localized anal area (LAA). Over years what that does is discolor and stain your anus. The ideal technique is to center the remaining fecal matter at the center of the anal opening by wiping “in” and then grasping the entire waste package and pulling it “out” and away from the buttocks (to avoid smear stains).

But due to poor anal wiping technique, many anuses are dark by the teen years, as an examination of the pictures you and your friends likely took of your own anus at that age would reveal.

Anal bleaching is the first simple step towards TCRB. Starting with very weak vegetable-based pre-bleaching solutions, the TCRB aesthetician gently applies appropriate agents. If the vegetable agents do not work, then s/he applies progressively stronger solutions until the stains have vanished or that protocol is exhausted.

If the Level I agent did not work, they s/he may select Level II bleaches, which are chemically and naturally based and usually in a warm fatty oil solution.

Up to 30% of all anal staining can be corrected within those two levels.

For more stubborn coloring, a Level III lye and chemical isolated bath may be required. This involves securing the anal area with special dams made out of plastic and sealed with surgical tape. These cylinders are open on both ends; one end goes over the anus and is sealed with tape, and the other stands above the buttocks and receives the caustic mix.

The patient is then given a local anesthetic to ease the pain caused by the lye and chemicals while lying on their stomach for about 2-3 hours, depending on stain severity. The cylinder is then heated via elements imbedded in its walls until the solution is 10-12 degrees warmer than the patient’s body temperature.

In very advanced cases, color-rectal bleaching may involved a hospital stay of 2-3 days, full anesthesia, industrial-grade cleansers, and chromium-based dyes.

After the successful bleaching that leaves the area a snowy ice white, patients may go home or opt for area coloring that may range from a light pink to rich ruby red. Striations in differing shades can add a natural “lived in” look, so that nobody ever suspects you had an anal cleansing and bleaching. Not even your children.

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Hade ni ikuze!

From: Abyss of Evil | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
Kingler
Farting Nudist
Member # 2316

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posted 05-09-2005 03:20 PM      Profile for Kingler   Email Kingler   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Holy fucking crap, I need to get me a hand mirror.

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arise chicken, arise

From: Arlington, TX | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
MK
is somewhat large.
Member # 1445

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posted 05-09-2005 06:56 PM      Profile for MK     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
my eyes!
Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged
Turbo X
Farting Nudist
Member # 1808

posted 05-16-2005 12:19 AM      Profile for Turbo X     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Kingler:
Holy fucking crap, I need to get me a hand mirror.

Be afraid... be very afraid.

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I mean, goldfish lamp wallpaper skeleton in my Bavarian Star or what? Flowers mirror computer Smurfs every time Moses flies playing cards in or around Paris.

From: N-town, PA, U.S. | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
king internet
Farting Nudist
Member # 3771

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posted 05-16-2005 07:02 PM      Profile for king internet   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
it's okay judd your rectum is already considered beautiful by the ladies

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signature

From: les paul guitar | Registered: Jan 2005  |  IP: Logged
Kingler
Farting Nudist
Member # 2316

Member Rated:
posted 05-16-2005 07:48 PM      Profile for Kingler   Email Kingler   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I was hoping that was the consensus. I just wanna make those remains of the day stains a rich ruby red or striated so that even my non-existant kids couldn't tell cleansing and bleaching has been initiated. [Trash Koffing]

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arise chicken, arise

From: Arlington, TX | Registered: Oct 2001  |  IP: Logged
sunburnt_aphid
most boring gimmick ever
Member # 3546

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posted 05-17-2005 12:57 AM      Profile for sunburnt_aphid     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by king internet:
it's okay judd your rectum is already considered beautiful by the ladies

lol judd give shiloh back [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Big Grin] [Wink] [Razz]

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I like Jessie from Team Rocket <3

From: Seattle | Registered: Oct 2003  |  IP: Logged


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