The Azure Heights Forum: My cousin is so hot.... I mean damn

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Topic: My cousin is so hot.... I mean damn

FlameBait
Farting Nudist
Member # 235

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posted 08-22-2004 09:45 PM $Profile for FlameBait$ $Author's Homepage$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

The first thing you need to know is that my cousin is hot. Amazingly hot. The kind of hot that makes you want to rip her pants off and **** her in the middle of class, not caring about getting expelled. She's just that damn good. People tease me about her a lot, because she has a bit of a reputation for being a slut, and for good reason: She sucked off half the football team after the homecoming game. But she is hot nonetheless.

Anyway, she lives about 10 minutes away from me and she called me up and asked if I wanted to go see a movie. I told her no, I had to work on this english report (Poison Gas Warfare in WWI), but she begged until I gave in. Then she told me she wanted to rent a movie and come over instead of going to a theatre. I raised my eyebrows at this. Why would she want to come over here? Could it be she's really that big of a slut? Nooo, I thought. That couldn't be it...could it?

So she arrives at around 9 PM. My parents are still at a symphony they went to, so nobody is in the house (my sister is in college). We pop some popcorn and get on the couch and start watching the movie (The Blues Brothers). After a while she complains that her legs are cramping up and wondered if she could lie down on the couch and put her head in my lap. My stomach did a barrel roll. I said Yes, no problem.

So she puts her head in my lap and continues to watch the movie. We're to the scene with the blind dude playing the keyboard when she starts to gently rub her head back and forth; jacking me off with her ear, if you will. It was an extremely good feeling, and I gave a little sigh as she did it. Then I was brought back to Earth as my cousin sat up and gave me a look of disgust. "What the hell is that?" she asked, pointing to my crotch. I had a raging hard-on from her head movements, and I could do nothing to hide it. I mumbled that I was sorry and that I should probably get to bed, but she grabbed me by the beltloop as I tried to get up.

She forced me back down and looked into my eyes with a sort of hungry look. "If you're attracted to me, all you needed to do was tell me..." and with that she unzipped my pants and had them around my knees before you could say Jack Daniels. I feebley tried to resist, but my protests faded into nothingness as she pulled my wang (I won't lie, 5.8 inces) out of my boxers. I closed my eyes and groaned with pleasure. As I looked down, I saw a sight I will never forget for the rest of my life.

She lowered her head to it, pulled off her mask, and spit acid all over my wang.

FATALITY.

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"The preceding post may have contained profanity, obscenity, racial slurs, and/or evidence of spamming. By reading this statement, you devoid the right to warn/ban the user based on the above post."

From: Nashville, TN, USA | Registered: Apr 2000 | IP: Logged

Anthrax
Ultimate Authoritative Power in the Universe
Member # 335

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posted 08-22-2004 10:02 PM $Profile for Anthrax$ $Author's Homepage$ $Email Anthrax$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

oh jumpman i wish i had your life 5

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She told The Associated Press she first realized her son was mentally ill in 1996 when he killed her oldest child, a 25-year-old woman who suffered from cerebral palsy, by beating her with a dumbbell.

From: Somebody put shit in my pants! | Registered: Apr 2000 | IP: Logged

NintendoLover
I'm much dumber in actuality than I pretend to be.
Member # 3138

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posted 08-22-2004 11:05 PM $Profile for NintendoLover$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

5

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I love Nintendo!

Registered: Nov 2002 | IP: Logged

Dweedle
My hands and feet are mangos
Member # 1209

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posted 08-23-2004 02:12 AM $Profile for Dweedle$ $Email Dweedle$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

i'm masturbation right now 4.9

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the only way to get pass this will be to commit suicune

From: second of all, Quagmire's not really a bad guy! | Registered: Nov 2000 | IP: Logged

Lark84
My skeleton is made of creamy nougat.
Member # 1186

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posted 08-23-2004 03:06 PM $Profile for Lark84$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

i dont get it

Registered: Nov 2000 | IP: Logged

powercat
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posted 08-23-2004 05:45 PM $Profile for powercat$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

Brodie Bruce: "My cousin Walter jerked off in public once. True story. He was on a plane to New Mexico when all of a sudden the hydraulics went. The plane started spinning around, going out of control. So, he decides it's all over and whips it out and starts beating it right there. So, all the other passengers take a cue from him and they start whipping it out and beating like mad. So, all the passengers are beating off, plummeting to their certain doom, when all of a sudden the hydraulics kick back in and the plane rights itself. It lands safely and everyone puts their pieces or whatever, you know, away and de-board. Nobody mentions the phenomenon to anyone else."

Gil Hicks: "Well, did he cum or what?"

Brodie Bruce: "Jesus Christ, man! There's just some things you don't talk about in public!"

5 for the person who identifies the movie!

[ 08-24-2004, 01:21 PM: Message edited by: powercat ]

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http://xbox360s.freepay.com/?r=24531001

From: Stockton, CA | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

Dark_Herakurosu
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posted 08-24-2004 04:27 PM $Profile for Dark_Herakurosu$ $Author's Homepage$ $Email Dark_Herakurosu$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

Mallrats. You fucking nerd.

Registered: Apr 2001 | IP: Logged

pkthunder
I look like your mom.
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posted 08-24-2004 07:53 PM $Profile for pkthunder$ $Author's Homepage$ $Email pkthunder$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

Really? I thought it was Clerks...

From: Broomfield, CO | Registered: Feb 2000 | IP: Logged

Dark_Herakurosu
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posted 08-24-2004 11:51 PM $Profile for Dark_Herakurosu$ $Author's Homepage$ $Email Dark_Herakurosu$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

It can't be Clerks, because I've never seen that one. I have seen Mallrats, however. So either Major League Baseball has been beaming movie into my brain, or at whenever I see a full moon I turn into Kevin Smith.

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There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs, huge erections, and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

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JohtoMaster
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posted 08-25-2004 01:26 AM $Profile for JohtoMaster$ $Author's Homepage$ $Email JohtoMaster$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

No, its definitely Mallrats, I just watched it.

From: Valparaiso, IN, USA | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

powercat
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posted 08-25-2004 12:42 PM $Profile for powercat$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

Points for Dark_Herakurosu

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From: Stockton, CA | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

DoomMullet
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posted 08-25-2004 03:10 PM $Profile for DoomMullet$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

gimme me the points too, that was easy

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What kind of a fuckass fuck of a bumfuck shithole town is this?

From: fondling your balls, don't you feel that? | Registered: Apr 2003 | IP: Logged

powercat
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posted 08-26-2004 01:00 PM $Profile for powercat$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

quote:
Originally posted by DoomMullet:
gimme me the points too, that was easy

I'll give you five if you can tell me what movie this quote is from:

"I'm very sorry the government taxes their tips, that's fucked up. That ain't my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it, put it to a vote, I'll vote for it, but what I won't do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin' type, 'cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent you're in for a big fuckin' surprise. "

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From: Stockton, CA | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

Mr. K
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posted 08-26-2004 01:09 PM $Profile for Mr. K$ $Author's Homepage$ $Email Mr. K$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

That's an easy one...

I got Madonna's big dick comin' outta my left ear...

From: Cinnabar Island | Registered: Feb 2000 | IP: Logged

Kazuki
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posted 08-26-2004 03:27 PM $Profile for Kazuki$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

Reservoir Dogs!

Oh shi...

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" When we get outta the 80's and into the 90's, we'll make the 60's look like the 50's. "

From: Seattle, WA | Registered: Sep 2003 | IP: Logged

Slade_64
chipmunk pr0n author
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posted 08-27-2004 01:23 AM $Profile for Slade_64$ $Email Slade_64$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

Pics plz.

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Bucket.

From: Funky Town Texas | Registered: Aug 2000 | IP: Logged

powercat
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posted 08-27-2004 12:49 PM $Profile for powercat$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

5 for Mr. K!

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From: Stockton, CA | Registered: Oct 2000 | IP: Logged

NintendoLover
I'm much dumber in actuality than I pretend to be.
Member # 3138

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posted 08-27-2004 03:51 PM $Profile for NintendoLover$ $Send New Private Message$ $Edit/Delete Post$ $Reply With Quote$

btw omally kudos on the jumpman reference, i didnt catch it untill he explained it to me himself

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I love Nintendo!

Registered: Nov 2002 | IP: Logged

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