Author
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Topic: Make a funnie and get a 5
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TeLeFonE
X-treme rotary telephone
Member # 2293
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posted 01-19-2004 08:23 PM
Ready. Go.
- - - - - fuck this username is gay
Registered: Oct 2001
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NintendoLover
I'm much dumber in actuality than I pretend to be.
Member # 3138
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posted 01-19-2004 09:08 PM
hey
- - - - - I love Nintendo!
Registered: Nov 2002
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Mentar the Malady Monkey
worst username ever
Member # 1182
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posted 01-19-2004 09:32 PM
courtesy of http://bash.org
<Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks? <TheXPhial> vaccuums <Guo_Si> Hey, you know what sucks in a metaphorical sense? <TheXPhial> black holes <Guo_Si> Hey, you know what just isn't cool? <TheXPhial> lava?
<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book <JonJonB> Let's see the results...
<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry. <JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything
<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work." <JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "
<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls
<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"
<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
<JonJonB> Ok <JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof <JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all <JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he? <melusine > O_______O <JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang
<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.
docsigma2000: jesus christ man docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead c8info: Why? docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour. docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for??? docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it. docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites. docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance. ** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)
<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A <wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B <wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope. <wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand. <wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling. <wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me. <wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
<NES> lol <NES> I download something from Napster <NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done <NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you" <NES> "getting my song back fucker"
<Fenris> My mom found me perusing bash.org and looking up quotes about incest, and was like OMG! <Fenris> Now she actually goes there regularly to make sure there aren't any new text words that have been searched for <Fenris> I saw her looking at the site yesterday, and was like, "WTF??" <Fenris> And she said she was just checking to see what kind of stuff I look at online. <Fenris> I swear, someday I'm just going to rape that bitch. <ctone> ... <ctone> now theres a quote for bash.org <Fenris> Don't you fucking dare.
<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT WHAT I'M WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
- - - - - WHAT.
From: Pandemonium, HL, Hades | Registered: Nov 2000
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Ikuse
Farting Nudist
Member # 3037
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posted 01-19-2004 10:02 PM
What does a crazy person take to get through the forest?
A psychopath!
Why should you knock before opening your refridgerator?
Because the salad may be dressing!
From: In my pants. | Registered: Aug 2002
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Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551
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posted 01-19-2004 10:07 PM
Ikuse gets a 5*
* negative
From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001
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Ikuse
Farting Nudist
Member # 3037
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posted 01-19-2004 10:49 PM
shut up that was comedy gold
From: In my pants. | Registered: Aug 2002
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Random Loser
Farting Nudist
Member # 1538
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posted 01-19-2004 10:57 PM
Alright, alright, so I say "Knock Knock", aight? And then you, you say, "Who's There?" cause, I mean, that's how knock knock jokes go, ya know? And it's not funny if ya don't play along, ya know? So I'm like, "Cargo". And you're thinkin, wtf? Cargo? How in hell is this gonna be funny... but you play along anyway, and you're like "Alright, Cargo who?" And I'm all like "Cargo BEEP BEEP!!!", ya know like the horn on the car? goes BEEP BEEP!!? Damn I'm funny, I crack myself up...
From: Uni of Virginny | Registered: Feb 2001
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ceoalex316
Time for the flaming leprosy party
Member # 338
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posted 01-19-2004 11:27 PM
quote: Originally posted by Donald: Ikuse gets a 5*
* negative
See I would have been your father but the guy in front of me had exact change.
- - - - - Maximum Penetration Industries.
From: NYC | Registered: Apr 2000
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cfalcon
OLDNBLD
Member # 19
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posted 01-19-2004 11:42 PM
3M did pretty good there.
From: 39°45' N, 104°52' W | Registered: Feb 2000
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Ikuse
Farting Nudist
Member # 3037
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posted 01-19-2004 11:45 PM
He didn't make them. He took them.
From: In my pants. | Registered: Aug 2002
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Slade_64
chipmunk pr0n author
Member # 804
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posted 01-20-2004 12:53 AM

- - - - - Bucket.
From: Funky Town Texas | Registered: Aug 2000
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MewtwoSama
Asshole
Member # 12
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posted 01-20-2004 01:11 AM
I agree with Slade, kill thread plz.
- - - - - Hade ni ikuze!
From: Abyss of Evil | Registered: Feb 2000
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Mr.E
Farting Nudist
Member # 696
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posted 01-21-2004 01:05 AM
Why do they call it Ovaltine? The mug is round. The jar is round. They should call it Roundtine!
That's gold Jerry! GOLD!
- - - - - MickHale18: nevermind, I'll pull out for a second MickHale18: *pulls out finger*
From: Munchkin Land, Oz | Registered: Jul 2000
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gruco
I am Ian Garvey's lovechild.
Member # 1645
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posted 01-21-2004 04:59 PM
Oh, so John Kerry was a Vietnam vet, huh? John Kerry was a Vietnam Vet!!!
Well who's in Vietnam now, BIATCH?!! Yeeeeeeeeehhhaaaaaaawwwwwww!!!!

*note that I cannot take credit for this work
From: Clock Town | Registered: Mar 2001
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MK
is somewhat large.
Member # 1445
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posted 01-21-2004 05:33 PM
Does anyone have an image of the real picture above, unedited, where he blows his brains out?
Registered: Jan 2001
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Carro
Farting Nudist
Member # 2695
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posted 01-21-2004 06:32 PM
I am gonna tell a story.
The format =
:Me is refering to me.
:Friend is refering to my friend.
Easy enough
Me-So I dont really know what religion I am, any suggestions?
Friend-WTF?
Me-Maybe I am jewish?
Friend-You arent jewish, you idolize Hitler.
Me-.........Oh yeah.
Twas fun.
- - - - - Its like a koala bear crapped a raibow on my brain!
From: Hotspot! | Registered: Mar 2002
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Fenix
I live in a public bathroom.
Member # 2371
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posted 01-21-2004 07:28 PM
Its like a koala bear crapped a raibow on my brain!
- - - - - life of lively to live to life of full life thx to shield battery
From: The Homeworld, Aiur | Registered: Nov 2001
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Artie Cuno
Linkin125473457539
Member # 1205
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posted 01-21-2004 08:36 PM
*He who shall not be named*: I believe it's Mariku's turn, unless she's not going to continue. MageOfDarksGirl: Mariku? Your go. MarikusAngel: i was playing slime forest MageOfDarksGirl: Aaa. MarikusAngel: thanks for insulting me cock licker MageOfDarksGirl: XD hard, but addictive. MageOfDarksGirl: I MEANT THE GAME MageOfDarksGirl: THE GAME MageOfDarksGirl: OH GOD MageOfDarksGirl: BAD BAD BAD TIMING *He who shall not be named*: Very. *He who shall not be named*: *is laughing out loud*
PsychoJ: Bisexual blacksmith XD that'd be amuseing... "For other young warriors in training, this fine blade would cost 30 gold pieces, but for you? 20." "Why?" "No reason >_>"
Now give me my goddamn five. =P
- - - - - Piss off not the kittens, lest they claw your balls off.
From: A box in a swamp. With your sister. | Registered: Nov 2000
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Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551
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posted 01-21-2004 09:37 PM
<Brain> what's an orgasm? <Brain> is it when mommy cries?
From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001
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Slade_64
chipmunk pr0n author
Member # 804
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posted 01-22-2004 03:15 AM
quote: Originally posted by Fenix: Its like a koala bear crapped a raibow on my brain!
My god man, at least type the quote out right! Geez...
- - - - - Bucket.
From: Funky Town Texas | Registered: Aug 2000
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Fenix
I live in a public bathroom.
Member # 2371
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posted 01-22-2004 06:43 AM
I copied it exactly from Carro's signature, where it is written terribly to begin with.
- - - - - life of lively to live to life of full life thx to shield battery
From: The Homeworld, Aiur | Registered: Nov 2001
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Carro
Farting Nudist
Member # 2695
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posted 01-22-2004 04:08 PM
Agreed.
And it's staying that way just for you.
- - - - - Its like a koala bear crapped a raibow on my brain!
From: Hotspot! | Registered: Mar 2002
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sunburnt_aphid
most boring gimmick ever
Member # 3546
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posted 01-22-2004 11:50 PM
quote: Originally posted by Slade_64:
quote: My god man
quote: My god
quote: My man
quote: god man
- - - - - I like Jessie from Team Rocket <3
From: Seattle | Registered: Oct 2003
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