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Author Topic: The Unfriendly Trainer - a radio show.
Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551

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posted 06-14-2002 07:11 PM      Profile for Donald   Email Donald      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
The stars of the show:

~Donald, a Pokemon trainer who has a collection of cool Pokemon, but he has one major problem - he also owns a Blissey.

~Machamp, one of Donald's friends.

~Blissey, who Donald's ex-GF found back when she was just a Chansey. Tragically, Chansey evolved the same day the GF left Donald.

The story begins...

---

Donald: Hello there anklebiters, rugrats... Monday, you'll all be out of school. Hahaha. Shaddup and sit down... let's meet Machamp this morning.

Machamp: Yeah, it's a happy day - the rugrats and rugratettes are out of school.

Donald: Happy for them, not their parents...

Machamp: Yeah... *kicks at a spear* What's with all this junk on the floor?

Donald: We're trying to add a little class to the show... we've always taken it to that level.

Machamp: Yeah... it's a lot of junk.

Donald: So we're going to bring it up by performing an OPERA.

(Blissey appears)

Blissey: WHAT THE HELL? It looks like a Norweigan tour bus exploded!

Donald: It's opera stuff, Blissey... we're adding more class to the show.

Blissey: An opera? That's kinda highbrow... can we do that?

Donald: Yeah, we can do that.

Blissey: Will the kids understand it?

Donald: You think we do this show for the kids?

Blissey: Good point.

(they all get into their gear)

Donald: Well, I've got the first line here.

(Vagner's Ride of the Valkyries plays)

Donald: Kill the Blissey, kill the Blissey...

Blissey: No, please leave me alone! Leave me alone...

Donald: Shoot the Blissey, shoot the Blissey...

Blissey: Your underwear's on too tight...

Donald: What?

Blissey: Your underwear's on too tight...

Donald: Where's Machamp? Where's Machamp?

Machamp: I'm not coming on. I'm not coming on!

Donald: Why are you not coming on?

Machamp: Because I look too stupid...

Donald: That never stopped you before...

Machamp: Gotta pick up the beat here... Whoever heard of a Viking Machamp?

Donald/Blissey: Machamp's a dumbass! Machamp's a dumbass!

Donald: Kill the Blissey...

Blissey: Let go of my cheek...

Donald: Kill the Blissey...

Blissey: I feel weak...

Donald: Kill the Blissey...

Blissey: I gotta take a leak!

Donald: Hold it! *music screeches*

Blissey: What happened?

Donald: I've got... to take... a LEAK?

Blissey: It was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with cheek and weak!

Donald: OK, ok... it's time for scene 2, opening act. And you know what that is?

Blissey: What?

Donald: It's the gatling gun sequence! *shoots Blissey repeatedly*

Edit: Damn UBB code.

[ 06-14-2002, 07:12 PM: Message edited by: cmsnrub25 ]

From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
Porygone
The Goatse Man
Member # 805

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posted 06-14-2002 09:22 PM      Profile for Porygone   Email Porygone   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
PORYGONE used ENCORE!

- - - - -
YOU'RE WINNER!

From: Celadon City Gym | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged
Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551

Member Rated:
posted 06-16-2002 07:09 PM      Profile for Donald   Email Donald      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Episode 2: "The Olympics"

Machamp: Good morning everyone, and welcome to the XIX Winter Olympiad from Salt Lake City, Utah! BNN (Blissey Network News) - exaustive but continuing coverage!

Donald: WHEN CAN WE LEAVE?

Machamp: Who the hell... oh, Donald.

Donald: Machamp, when the hell can we leave? If I have one more Big Mac, I'm gonna shoot somebody!

Machamp: Same here Donald, but you know the rules... we can't leave until Blissey wins a medal.

Donald: We can't leave until Blissey wins a medal? My God, we're going to be here forever! *cries*

Machamp: Yeah, I know. She totaled a bobsled... she couldn't even lift the curling stone... she bayonetted herself in the biathalon and tried to bribe the judges in the aerials.

Donald: *laughs*

SLC worker: Ma'am, please understand... the Olympics have been over for four months! Do you SEE any snow here?

Blissey: *uses Doubleslap* Get away from me, you polygamist freak!

Donald: Blissey... how do you know the guy's a polygamist?

Blissey: Look over there! *many women appear with wedding rings on*

Donald: Oh. Come on Blissey, let's go - the Olympics have been over for four months now!

Blissey: Nonono!!

Donald: Yeah, come on Blissey...

Blissey: I'm not going until they smack me with the gold or they hit me with some sort of silver!

Donald: *thinks* *laughs* You get hit with some sort of silver, and we can go home - we can be outta here?

Blissey: I promise!

Donald: I'll see what I can do to arrange that, then. *walks away*

Machamp: So what are you gonna try next, Blissey?

Blissey: I'm going to take a shot at figure skating.

*Blissey finds a patch of ice and starts doing jumps to the 1812 overture. A Rapidash appears in the distance*

Donald: HI HO SILVER!! TAKE DOWN!!

Blissey: Oh... SHIT! *Blissey is nailed and flies into the distance, landing face-down on the ground*

Machamp: Y'know Donald, I think she two-footed the landing on that triple axel...

From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
Porygone
The Goatse Man
Member # 805

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posted 06-18-2002 12:01 AM      Profile for Porygone   Email Porygone   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
(Remember, Encore works for 2-5 turns.)

- - - - -
YOU'RE WINNER!

From: Celadon City Gym | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged
Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551

Member Rated:
posted 06-18-2002 08:21 PM      Profile for Donald   Email Donald      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Porygone:
(Remember, Encore works for 2-5 turns.)

Yes, but my speed makes Shuckle look like a sprinter.

Episode 3: The Presents

---

Donald: Morning anklebiters, rugrats, et al. - it's me, the unfriendly trainer. There's a chair for one, a little tea set for a couple, and there's a fireplace burning in the corner you could push a random n00b into... heh.

Machamp: Donald, Donald, look what I found! It's some Christmas presents that were left over from last year that we haven't opened yet!

Blissey: Those are probably the ones I hid. *laughs*

Donald: Probably, Blissey... hey Machamp, why don't you open yours first?

Machamp: Sure. *rips* Hey! Two year's supply of deoderant, and it's autographed by Shaq! Sweet! *Donald peeks over*

Donald: Hey, you got a good one there, Machamp! Just remember to use it?

Machamp: Yeah, yeah, I know... I made Right Guard go left. What'd you get, Donald?

Donald: *rips* Sweet! Perscription mirrored sunglasses!

Machamp: Put 'em on! *Donald does* Oh, not guilty officer!

Donald: These things rock! Blissey, what'd you get?

*Blissey opens the package*

Blissey: Hey! It's a book on hypnotism! I can turn people into weird things!

Donald: Why don't you turn Machamp into a cash register?

Machamp: I don't wanna be a cash register!

Donald: Shut up, Machamp. Go for it, Blissey.

Blissey: Sim salabim, eye of newt, poof! *puff of smoke*

Donald: Machamp, you feel any different?

Machamp: No, I don't feel any different.

Donald: I guess you're resistant to it. Hey Blissey, try it on me.

Blissey: I can't because you've got those damn mirrored sunglasses on!

Donald: Never mind that - just look me straight in the eye and try to turn me into a cash register.

Blissey: Sim salabim, eye of newt, poof! *cloud of smoke*

Donald: I don't feel any different. Machamp, do you?

Machamp: No...

Donald: What about you, Blissey? *kaching* Ha ha ha! And she's got about $150 in her till. Ha!

From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
Porygone
The Goatse Man
Member # 805

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posted 06-19-2002 06:57 AM      Profile for Porygone   Email Porygone   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Remind me to Baton Pass you some Agility later...

- - - - -
YOU'RE WINNER!

From: Celadon City Gym | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged
Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551

Member Rated:
posted 06-19-2002 09:55 AM      Profile for Donald   Email Donald      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Nah, just give me a Quick Claw. It worked here.

---

Episode 4: The Ekans.

Donald: GET IN THE HOUSE! Yeah, it's me, the Unfriendly Trainer. You sit in that chair, and you sit in that chair, and you shut up! Next time, bring your mom and dad's checkbook! [Mad] Machamp's not even looking at me. Machamp, what are you doing?

Machamp: I'm just looking out the window!

Donald: You're looking out the window?

Machamp: Hold on Donald, I'll save you the trouble. Allow me. *glass shatters* AHHHHHHHHHH!

Donald: That was nice of him... Let's go in Blissey's room and see if she's up yet. *knocks* Blissey, you in there?

Voice: Blissey is not in here!

Donald: Blissey isn't in there?

Voice: Blissey isn't in here, only a giant, poisonous, lighting-fast Ekans! Look out!

Donald: There's an Ekans in there and Blissey isn't?

Voice: That's right, an Ekans, no Blissey.

Donald: Y'know, it's a bit of a shame really, as I've got this delicious double-chocolate Blissey cake with dynamite frosting...

Voice: You've got a chocolate cake with that delicious frosting?

Donald: Yes, it's dynamite frosting.

Voice: There's only an Ekans in here... no, no, no.

Donald: No chocolate cake for Ekans, I guess.

*door opens*

Blissey: I gotta have some of that cake! Gimme the cake! That whole Ekans thing... I was just playing, see.

Donald: Only playing like you were an Ekans... there's your cake, go ahead.

Blissey: Oh yeah, this cake is good, *munch* *explosion* AHHHHHHHH!

Donald: I told you it was dynamite frosting!

From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
jshadias
Farting Nudist
Member # 2710

Member Rated:
posted 06-24-2002 11:36 PM      Profile for jshadias   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Baton Passes 3 Agilities...

- - - - -
What Nintendo doesn't want you to know
Uiru: "Now that we're all used to the rules, clauses and by-laws... what would happen to the metagame if every one of them were whipped away?"
GP-Chan: "id probably quit every battle, and not just every other battle."
ThumbsOfSteel: "Why, because they broke the rules?"

Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged
Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551

Member Rated:
posted 06-25-2002 11:01 AM      Profile for Donald   Email Donald      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Number 5: "Blissey's Special Friend".

---

Donald: Hello there anklebiters, rugrats... it's me the Unfriendly Trainer. There's a little table over there with some jellybeans on it, why don't you just help yourself. *someone gets shocked* Gotta love wired jellybeans...

Yes, I am cleaning the house today. Why? Well, Blissey convinced me somehow to let one of her friends come over. She's upstairs getting ready while Machamp and I clean this joint up.

Machamp: So why are we doing this again?

Donald: To show the anklebiters that you can treat people you may not necessarily like with respect.

Machamp: I see. *Blissey comes down*

Blissey: I can't believe you guys are doing this! Thank you so much!

Donald: If you want to thank us, grab a dish cloth and wash the dishes, silly.

Blissey: OK. *doorbell rings* Oh my Goddish! She's here!

Donald/Machamp: Who?

Blissey: My friend! *Blissey opens the door* Hi Clefable! Welcome to my house!

Donald: *thinks Oh God... a Clefable. Blissey sure has rotten taste in friends.* Hello there. I'm Donald, Blissey's trainer. This is Machamp.

Clefable: Hi there, sexy! *Donald recoils*

Donald: Hi... Machamp, want to play some No Mercy?

Machamp: Sure! *They run upstairs* *Blissey and Clefable start singing a horrible song*

---

Donald: I thought Blissey and Clefable singing puts things to sleep! That stuff sounds like it'll wake the dead!

Machamp: GAH!! MUST... BLOCK... SOUND... *Machamp falls over holding his ears*

Donald: Oh god... what are they doing now? *orgasmic sounds are heard* That's it, I'm stopping this. *grabs a book and a gun and runs downstairs*

---

(Blissey and Clefable are lying on the carpet, exausted)

Blissey: Oh...

Donald: How's it going guys?

Clefable: We're having so much fun...

Donald: Yeah, I can see that. Listen, I was reading this book of Hoyle upstairs and I discovered something - three of a kind beats two queens. *fires three shots* There's your three.

From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
Porygone
The Goatse Man
Member # 805

Member Rated:
posted 07-02-2002 12:23 AM      Profile for Porygone   Email Porygone   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
I think somebody got String Shot while we weren't looking...

- - - - -
YOU'RE WINNER!

From: Celadon City Gym | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged
Donald
Bob the Builder
Member # 1551

Member Rated:
posted 07-02-2002 11:48 AM      Profile for Donald   Email Donald      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
This one's a quickie.

---

Donald: Hello there, anklebiters and rugrats. It's me, the unfriendly trainer - DON'T STEP ON THE CAT! It's been dead for about 10 days now, you'd get it all over the carpet and make a huge mess. Let's go over and meet Machamp this evening.

Machamp: 'Lo Donald. Just curious - you haven't seen Blissey around today, have you?

Donald: No, I can't say that I have.

Machamp: It's just that she wanted me to go shopping with her for some designer soaps, or something along those lines.

Donald: Well, maybe it's for the best. Those things are so annoying...

Machamp: But she had her heart set on going... *beeping in the background* Wait, I think your oven timer's going off.

Donald: So it is.

Machamp: What's in there, anyway?

Donald: You'll see. *pulls out a dish* Egg Rolls a la Blissey.

Machamp: Oh my Goddish - it's BLISSEY!! Hey... she doesn't look half bad.

Donald: Want some?

Machamp: You wouldn't happen to have a rack of Clefable handy, would you?

Donald: Yep. Just putting it in the oven now. Thankfully, Clefaggot cooks easy.

Machamp: We could have the Clefaggot and egg rolls, a couple of beer, and then go to the game after!

Donald: *chewing* Blissey always did have good taste.

[ 07-02-2002, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: cmsnrub25 ]

From: In your girl's panties | Registered: Feb 2001  |  IP: Logged
Porygone
The Goatse Man
Member # 805

Member Rated:
posted 07-02-2002 12:17 PM      Profile for Porygone   Email Porygone   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by cmsnrub25:
This one's a quickie.

cmsnrub25 and I just had a quickie.

[ 07-02-2002, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Porygone ]

- - - - -
YOU'RE WINNER!

From: Celadon City Gym | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged
jshadias
Farting Nudist
Member # 2710

Member Rated:
posted 07-04-2002 11:07 PM      Profile for jshadias   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
LOfuckingL
Forgot about this topic for a couple days, don't know how... [Razz]

- - - - -
What Nintendo doesn't want you to know
Uiru: "Now that we're all used to the rules, clauses and by-laws... what would happen to the metagame if every one of them were whipped away?"
GP-Chan: "id probably quit every battle, and not just every other battle."
ThumbsOfSteel: "Why, because they broke the rules?"

Registered: Mar 2002  |  IP: Logged


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