The UK Sheffield league trainers vs Dante
<Subtitles in that cool green font so it looks like it’s being typed on the screen: Dante’s bedroom, 14/8/00, 7:00 am>
Beep, beep, beep!
“Shut the fudge up!”
Dante looks at alarm clock but is half-asleep; “I’ve never seen my clock say that before… Zzzz…”
Dante falls back to sleep…
15 minutes later his arse is finally out of bed and crawling on the floor trying to find his P-chan T-shirt; “I only got up this early coz Philbo said I should.”
He was damn right too, thanks Philbo.
Since Dante can’t drive, and has no sense of direction anyway, his father was the chosen one for driving him there. He also has never seen his alarm clock say that time in the morning.
Dante remembers to bring his collection (5) of ‘rare’ pokemon cards just in case someone offers £30 for a holo Charizard again like on the tour he went too… nope, he wishes he had it back then instead.
<An hour later>
Dante walks into the stadium with his Gameboy and Boulder badge in pocket.
As he is early and queues haven’t started yet he decides to compete his collect of 151 pokemon by uploading Mew.
It’s official you know…
Dante reads the sign that says; “One Mew per person.”
Dante sees this as a challenge, turns his cap backwards (prefect disguise) and goes again. Blue Mew total: 1, Yellow Mew total: 1… heh, I’ll go again later, time to get signed up.
Dante didn’t get chosen as many UK trainers entered, however there’s always a few no-shows and why not take their place.
He waits in the line and vaguely notices the ‘Pokemon Snap’ systems people are playing on. Apart from the normal trainers Dante’s notices that he is surrounded by a few middle aged women. He asks one of them; “You a trainer or you on a mission?”
The woman laughs and replies; “Yeah on a mission.”
“You’re after Mew right?”
“Yes, is this the line?”
“Thank you,” she says leaving. The other group of parents had heard this and also changed queues.
Dante starts to wonder how the hell they can get mixed up when this queue has signs saying ‘registration’ and the Mew queue, also clearly marked (with pictures even) is on the other side of the stadium. He no longer cared as the line was now cut in half and he could see the cute chick at the registration table.
He watches as a few trainers hand over their papers, but is not fazed. When he reaches the front he comes out with some dialogue that included him being a replacement for no showers and he was on Nintendo’s databases as he applied. ^_^
She falls for it and gives him a badge with the number 113. Dante then takes this time to ask the registration chick out on a date, she accepts and gives him her phone number.
Dante has 15 minutes before his first round and so takes his cap off and puts it under his jacket (disguise number 2) Blue and Yellow Mew total = 2 each.
He laughs his way to com 8 and readies his elite six pokemon for battle. These guys are true blue L100 pokemon, no glitch, missingno cheats have been used and he doesn’t even know what a gameshark looks like. (Wish he had one though so he could max some stats. That box trick gets boring even with 3x speed.)
Dante waits for trainer 114 to get his ass in gear and turn up… he doesn’t, neither does 116…
115 and me take the Cascade badge and are automatically in the next round together. Booooring!
Round 2 would be awhile so Dante starts looking for random trainers to battle. Some little kid is kicking a grown man’s butt with his 6 L100’s against his 70’s.
Dante, of course, challenges him after his win. This kid was cocky after his win and did several mistakes when facing the might of Dante’s poke crew. He was no challenge. Strangely the kid’s dad knew more about which attacks to use on what types than the kid did.
You should have seen the look on his face when I had my Raichu out and he brought a rock/ground type to counter.
Cough*surf*cough*one hit wonder*cough
<Five minutes to next round>
A grin appears on Dante’s face when he sees the Mew line has gone down; “Ah, what the hell…”
This time he uses his cheekiness to the limit by keeping the stamp on is hand instead of rubbing it off and by handing over both versions at the same time.
Blue is done and the guy says; “Only one Mew per person.”
I offer the yellow cart and turn cute; “But this one’s for my brother.”
He accepts this brilliant excuse. Dante couldn’t help grinning at the fact that while Mew was being transferred the OT was exactly the same as the pervious version. He didn’t seem to notice…
Final Mew count: 6 (ha ha ha! I might give some to my mates… maybe.)
Dante bumps into trainer 115 before their official battle and he asks what Dante’s squad is. Dante quotes ‘Lock, stock’ and says; “You cheeky barrrstard.”
Surf (Oh baby!)
Thunder (I love STAB)
Hypnosis (never used)
Dream eater (never used)
Stomp (Stomp? I was waiting for my mate Sam to give me Toxic for the combo of death but no. He forgets and this proves a problem and shows later.)
Psybeam (for a chance of confusion I guess, but never used)
Toxic (Used to beat Mewtwos and other strong psy types in the last tour)
Silent Bob (Snorlax) – Man of the match, kicked ass in all my battles
Body Slam (Did I mention I love STAB?)
Thuderbolt (“Why’s he bringing out another water type to hurt my Blastoise… Noooo!”)
Fireblast (I needed a fire move)
“Hi 115,” says Dante. (Forgot his name, begins with L…)
“Hi,” says 115.
“Hi,” says 115’s cheering squad.
“Huh?” says Dante.
Dad appears to back him up; “Yeah!”
Dante gives his Dad a crash course on what the hell the game is and rants on about the tubby bitch himself, Snorlax.
Dante sees 115 has a descent mix and chose Ryu, Rai and Silent Bob.
<10 minute limit, 30 sec move limit>
Ryu takes out his first two pokes that, even thought at L100, are not worth mentioning.
115 even said himself he couldn’t do much as he was too used to using Mewtwo. Thank god only the first 149 were allowed.
He brings out an Exeggutor for his last and finishes Ryu but not before Ryu uses fireblast and burns the grass type.
Silent Bob is brought out and cheer is heard. Dante’s Dad starts laughing, as Bob is the biggest, baddest, wobbliest poke in the universe.
A body slam is all it takes.
Dante receives the thunder badge and gets something to eat, as well as some freebies handed out to trainers from EB and GAME.
30 minutes til the next battle…
Dante hears someone going round with his gameboy asking for a battle.
Dante stands up and strikes an anime pose complete with flashing background; “I’ll fight you.”
This is so cool, as he has a little kid, Specs, with him that is either his brother or friend. Specs tells the guy; “You have a challenge!” Like no one had ever dared before.
He says OK and we link up and battle 6 on 6.
The guy is called Carl and asks Specs for a second opinion on every tough situation. Which is a lot coz Dante kicks ass.
Carl’s Taurus (spelling? Me not care) is up first, Rai thinks it’s too hot coz his defence stat sucks and asks to be returned. Yoma is sent out. Taurus stomp misses the ghost. Yoma attacks with a couple of nightshades before being turned into an ice cube by a blizzard attack.
The ghost type is recalled and Silent Bob appears. Taurus decides to use stomp.
Carl laughs; “That took off quite a bit.”
Silent returns with a Body Slam.
“But that took off more.”
Taurus is down.
He brings out a snorlax himself but Bob is too strong! Hyperbeam rocks!
Carl comments on how he likes that all Dante’s crew have nicknames. All nicks, except Silent’s, are Japanese words.
It finally comes down to his last pokemon vs Jama, Ryu and the block of ice known as Yoma.
Venusaur appears against Jama.
Using one psychic blast nearly finishes the grass/poison type. He uses sleep powder.
Sod this, say hello to Ryu.
Icebeam, Dante still undefeated.
Carl is one of the chosen and they hope they would fight again in the league.
Dante still has a while before his battle so tries to sell his cards. Everyone wanted them at the tour, will they here?
He tries one guy who has a good collection. The man then opens a briefcase full of the rarest and imported cards including an unnamed newly born Chansey and five ancient Mew cards.
::Bead of sweat::
Dante runs off into the distance screaming.
Time for that rainbow badge me thinks…
Dante sees that Carl and Specs are waiting as Carl has the next battle after Dante for a rainbow badge.
Carl warns Dante that the ginger kid he was going to face is a complete cheater. (Ie; Cloning items. Has a Hypno with recover and stun spore. Then tried to use a Mewtwo.)
The kid had been warned but everyone thought he should have just been kicked. Dante decided to send him packing, not for cheating, but for being ginger. J/k
His only pokemon left that had normal moves were Articuno and two others. These were a walkover as he cheated to get them up to level 100 and their stats were low. Dante wins his rainbow badge and watches Carl’s battle.
Dante notes that he is the only one that memorises his own pokemon’s move sets and doesn’t press the R button.
Enter David using Articuno and Zapdos. His third was unknown as he kicked Carl’s butt easily. This David was good, his Zapdos was in very good shape and it’s thunder attack was killer and always seemed to hit.
Carl’s Omystar didn’t stand a chance, I forget his second. Zapdos also took care of his Venusaur, which Carl had only grass attacks on. Carl wasn’t making a dent and Zapdos had drill peck…
Carl didn’t get his rainbow badge and Dante was now against David for the marsh badge. The ticket to the semi finals.
Dante planned it well, he knew David would use the two legendary birds again so Silent Bob and Rai were up. This was where it went wrong. On the line up Dante saw David had an Alakazam and guessed correctly that he would chose it as his third. Ochiba would kick it’s ass if it had toxic but his mate, Sam, is a lemon. Therefore Jama, Dante’s own Alakazam, took spot 3.
The battle began…
Silent Bob appeared and crashed to the ground; “SN!”
David laughed at the huge pokemon. Dante just grinned; ‘I’ll wipe that smile off your face.”
Thunder hits Silent. No status change but already less than 50% HP as it was critical.
Silent let’s rip with Rockslide. Double effective.
The smile IS wiped off his face.
Zapdos goes for thunder again. Miss.
Silent goes for a body slam for hope of paralysing. Nope but Zapdos is nearly down.
Zapdos goes for a third thunder. It misses again.
Silent goes for another rockslide and finishes him off.
Articuno is out now and uses Blizzard to knock Silent down to the red.
Silent uses rockslide. X4 baby.
David is crapping his pants but finishes Silent off.
Rai replaces the snorlax and wipes the ice bird out with a fast thuderbolt.
David last pokemon, Alakazam appears and battles Rai with a furry of psychic blasts, body slams and thunderbolts.
Rai’s low def stat can’t take it and he faints leaving Dante’s Alakazam, Jama.
A crowd has formed, as this is a tight battle. The pokeball hits the floor in a burst of light.
“Go Jama!” is all they see. The light fades to reveal a lighter coloured Alakazam. Cries of shock are heard.
The badge holder/ref says; “This will be interesting.”
Dante makes a fatal mistake, he uses his strongest attack, psychic instead of starting off with toxic like normal. This was mainly because David’s Zam was down to 50% thanks to Rai and Dante thought he could get a little edge by maybe knocking down his spec stat. It doesn’t work and his Zam uses recover to 80%.
Dante looks at the HP on both sides Jama was worst off, his max HP was lower by about 25 and so was his speed stat.
Dante didn’t know about the down side of boosted EXP when he was raising this poke. He also hadn’t trained Jama with the box trick as much as the rest, as he thought Ochiba would have it’s TM…
Zam’s moves flash up on the screen. They are exactly the same as Jama’s. Therefore he must have the same tactics.
Horror hits Dante.
Zam went first as he had the better speed and shot Toxic at Jama. Jama also lobs toxic and hits.
The crowd make ‘oh’ and ‘ahhhh’ noises.
And so starts the ‘keep Psychic blasting until low on HP then recover’ struggle. Both pokemon matching each other in strength, both getting critical hits and lowering spec stats.
The crowd were now going insane.
Jama got a lucky hit and knocked Zam into the red. The crowd watched on as Zam quickly used recover back to the green.
Dante held his breath, he knew he was done for. David had slightly better stats and had used Toxic first.
Both pokemon were in the red after Jama gave his best shot, critical and stats down along with the poison.
Zam had 31 HP, Jama had 22 HP.
The crowd wet their pants at the tension.
Dante knew that was it, Zam had the speed and struck first.
Jama fell to the ground…
All Dante said was; “Oro?”
Another handshake and it was over Dante didn’t get the marsh badge…
That was his most intense battle ever.
He came 9th in his first league experience.
He wants to know when the next league is.
Dante strangely blacked out and found himself outside his house with half his money missing.
(This has been a true story, none of it has been made up… ok maybe the bit about me asking out the registration chick and getting her number but that’s all…)
"Pinkle, squirmy, plip plap plop!" - Rimmer