Hello, and welcome to Part III. Will this losing streak ever end?
As I sat down for Match #5, the kid I was facing looked familiar. Suddenly I remembered him as the guy I saw beat the Nintendo rep at the last tourney! Aw, shit.
I got to talking to him and his friend and they knew a lot about the game. This was his first match of the day and he was a little nervous, but ready. Both of them were really nice guys, as I had guessed from watching them play at the last tourney, and I knew I wasn't going to mind to losing to him.
He led with Starmie and you know who I led with. Starmie was throwing up defenses, but Wiggly just kept smacking the snot out of him. He was really fired up. Finally Starmie blasted Wiggly with a couple Surfs, but the little trouper survived them with some breathing room (much to the kid's surprise) and crushed Starmie.
The kid sent out Jolteon next, but it was too quick for Wiggly. He hit with Thunder and Wiggly went down swinging.
Snorlax was totally prepared for this situation. He took a Toxic to the puss, then killed Jolteon in one Earthquake, which threw the kid into a panic.
I was thinking...well, here comes the Mewtwo...but out comes Exeggutor! Exeggutor went for the Leech Seed, but Snorlax wasn't taking any of that krap and ignored it. It failed with Sleep Powder as Snorlax kept Slamming away. Finally Snorlax had to Rest, but not before it managed to paralyze Exeggutor.
He weathered some nasty attacks and constant Leeching (while Exeggutor was paralyzed at least once) and woke up. Exeggutor missed with (I think) Toxic, and Snorlax Slammed him again.
Exeggutor got in a Psychic blast, but it wasn't enough...Snorlax got a critical hit with a Body Slam and it was all over!
Victory in two Pokemon over the guy who beat a Gym Leader last time!
We shook hands and he and his friend congratulated me on a great match.
He explained that his team was designed entirely to take out Mewtwo and he was totally thrown off by my team. He also expressed admiration for my tough Snorlax.
A Boulder Badge and time to move on to the Winner's Circle! I'd never been there before and I'd surely be crushed, but at least I was there!
This kid was a real gangsta-lookin' type. He was there with a lot of his gangsta friends. I actually saw a lot of these guys at the tourney this time, which really surprised me. The white kids in Fubu attire didn't surprise me, but these black guys with their gold and caps-on-backwards who all looked and talked like beefier versions of Snoop Dogg were totally unexpected.
(My friend Russ teaches at a local mostly black high school and he was not at all surprised about this. He says he often has to tell his kids to put the Pikachu away in class. Man, is that some market penetration or what??)
Anyway, the guy was sitting back in his chair, shook my hand without making eye contact and cracked his knuckles. He bitched about how his last match was bullshit and he almost lost, but now he was really going to kick my ass.
OOOoooh, I wanted to beat this guy...
(Scrod calls me at this point and asks how I did. I yell that I'm about to battle and I gotta go! Bye!)
He leads with Alakazam. He takes one look at my Wigglytuff and says "This isn't going to take very long.". He doesn't know Wiggly.
Wigglytuff brushed off some attacks from Alakazam, and smacked him down. The guy called Wiggly a "punk ass nigga" (!) and brought out Gengar.
Uh oh. Wiggly tried to Sing, but was immediately hit with Hypnosis. I should have switched out (knowing that Gengar couldn't use Hypnosis again under tourney rules), but I didn't think about it. Wiggly took a Dream Eater, then another, then a couple Night Shades and would just not wake up.
Snorlax is next (obviously) and he's immediately hit with Hypnosis. Krap! I can't put in Lee, so I hope to wait this one out too. Snorlax is getting his dreams sucked out and things are looking grim. But he finally wakes up and immediately Rests. OK, back to Square One.
He takes a couple more Dream Eaters, then wakes up. Gengar misses with Dream Eater (dumbass!) and Snorlax finally gets off an Earthquake. Almost takes Gengar completely out. Now, the guy (who hadn't been paying much attention) sits up and starts worrying a little.
Some of the gangsta's friends start finishing their matches and come over to see how he's faring. The guy I fought last match won his battle, and he and his friend come over to watch me. I've got my own cheerleading squad now.
Gengar misses with Hypnosis and Snorlax finishes him off with another Earthquake.
Who's next?? Big surprise, Mewtwo.
Snorlax needs to Rest again, while Mewtwo bashes away at him. He wakes up, paralyzes Mewtwo with a Body Slam and goes back to sleep. The odds are getting a little better.
Snorlax wakes up, and starts Slamming away, and now Mewtwo needs to Recover, but it takes him a couple times because he's paralyzed.
He finally does and the fighting goes back and forth, until eventually it's down to the old Offense vs. Defense conundrum.
If Snorlax is lucky, his Body Slam will take out Mewtwo, if not, Mewtwo's Psychic will surely finish him off, with only Lee as backup.
The gangstas are all talking street talk amongst each other and the guy I fought's friend is just saying "I can't watch!".
I go for Offense, as is my way, and Snorlax takes him down! Woo hoo!
The two guys on my side cheer and pat me on the back and the gangsta just gets pissed, noisily slides out his chair and leaves with a "Damn!" (not waiting for the Nintendo guys to declare the match over) while his friends make fun of him. (I really wish they'd seen Wiggly take out his Alakazam. I wonder if he ever mentioned who I led with...)
The Nintendo guy who had, over the course of 2 tourneys, witnessed me lose 8 out of 12 matches said "Oh my god!" when I raised my hands as the winner.
A Cascade Badge!
What a great feeling! And I even took down a Mewtwo in the second match...and again with only two guys!
I spent some more time talking to the kids I'd met and eventually I went off to register again. On the way (to WAY the Hell of the other side of the mall), I called everyone I knew, and some people were actually home this time...but mostly I got answering machines.
Anyway, I immediately called Scrod and started taunting him because I now had TWO badges (and a handful of Thanks-for-Playing-Loser Badges) and he only had one. He gave me Hell for a while, but finally broke down and was supportive and told me Wigglytuff was pretty good (for a fag).
I called my father and thanked his machine for donating his sperm to my mother, without which I would never have become a Pokemon Master! (This message completely perplexed him.) I thanked my Mom's machine for the nine months of hosting my embryo and all that pain in the hospital and for blessing me with good sense, so I'd become smart enough to be Wiggly's friend. (She later left a message on my machine, congratulating me and my JIGGLYPUFF. Well, she tries.)
I left a few other messages and finally got in touch with my friend Steve, who had never heard me be so happy before. He congratulated me properly. He's into sports, so he knows the right things to say to winning friends and stuff.
I also talked to my friend Kyle who played along and said that I was a great Pokemon Master and he could only dream of being as truly wonderful as I am.
Finally, I got some friggin respect (even if it was tongue in cheek)! Screw Scrod.
I signed up for one more match...I didn't care if I won or lost any more, I was just happy to be alive...and that NEVER happens...
Can you believe it? He finally won! Tune in next time to see who will make a guest appearance on his team. Live thru the boring anti-climax as if you were really there!
Azure Heights Pokémon Laboratory