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Author Topic: Just what I needed.
cfalcon
OLDNBLD
Member # 19

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posted 10-21-2003 12:47 AM      Profile for cfalcon   Email cfalcon   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
So, Mario 3 came out on on GBA. The first thing I noticed is that Mario shrieks out "Just what I nEEded!" whenever he gets a powerup. Great. I'm getting pissed about the GBA not being shaped like a real TV screen, because all they do is port games to it that used to be on a TV, and have to change them. I've heard Miyamoto jammer on in his retarded head about how he feels "restricted" by the TV media, but the point is moot if all they do is bring over games that are supposed to be formatted differently.

The graphics are the same as the SNES version of the game. The sounds are close to the same- some of the music is shittier though. Like, it was good in the old one, and they had to go and specially write some shitty music for it.

They also spent two minutes adding some gay homosexual intro that if you had told me about I would have said "Hey, that's alright!"... but instead it's more "Hey, that's... substandard.".

Also they removed the most innovative multiplayer thing ever, the neat trick where you can catch your buddy as he moves over your mark and do that Mario death battle (the game is included, of course, just like in the old ones).

Basically, as a portable Mario 3, it's ok, but needs needs needs needs needs a way to turn off that gay voice. Seriously, if the only reason that 8 bit Nintendo games weren't queer as shit is because they couldn't synth a voice back then (except "skate. Or. DIE. skate or die. die die Die Die DIE." and "Red Wizard needs food. Blue Warrior shot the food. Blue Warrior shot the food."), then somebody needs to take this technology away from them. Stupid fucks. At least he doesn't WOOHOO or anything when he jumps.

Ok, so to play the new game, you need:

Game: $30 (just like the original!)
GBA: $80?

To add things onto it you need:

E-Reader: ?
Cards: ?

And to play the game like a human:

GCN: $100 (or soon to be free with some CrackerJacks)
GBplayer: $40-60... who knows. Whatever.

The cards will disolve over time or something, I'm sure, and the E-Reader will break. I love that Nintendo's newest innovation (their only tech innovation this century, actually) is basically a redone punch card. You lose, fuckheads. That shit was decades old when I was an embryo. I only had four fucking cells, and they were busy figuring out which genes to turn on so that I could go bald as fast as humanly possible, but even they fucking knew that paper was out as a computer storage media.

Anyway, it's way too expensive, and in order to get more functionality out of it than either of my old games I need to hook it up to my TV and loose all the other neat things the old games had. Plus I'm not going to find a bunch of friends to play through the game with, because THEY EACH NEED THEIR OWN GAME AND THEIR OWN GBA.

Fucking great.

Nintendo needs to quit making everyone I know be a fanboy before they can play. If everyone needed a GBA to play Smash, I would have been very lonely indeed. Or the owner of four GBAs, but that's not what they want either (they make money on software).

I'll play through and let you know if anything is different.

Oh, another thing: when I did the "infinite lives" trick (the one where you keep stomping goombas until you fuck up or get to 99 or run out of time on level 1-2), I stopped after proof of concept (16 men)... and it said some congratulatory thing.

Well, know I don't even feel like I'm tricking the game, guys! On the other hand, it was a nice touch, because they knew that that is very much a Mario thing.

Oh, you no longer get a card, you get a "panel". It's like a card, but they had to change it to piss me off and have it not matter to anyone new to the game, who would not be confused by "card" whatsoever.

Opinions welcome.

From: 39°45' N, 104°52' W | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
cfalcon
OLDNBLD
Member # 19

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posted 10-21-2003 01:14 AM      Profile for cfalcon   Email cfalcon   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
On 1-6 I think they enlarged a plateau by one square, but I'm not sure. Could you always just pick up a Bob-omb by landing on top of him with B? Maybe it was just a glitch, but I recall that bein more of a stomp first kind of thing.

Wording on the letters is identical from what I've seen.

I have enclosed a jewel...

From: 39°45' N, 104°52' W | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
cfalcon
OLDNBLD
Member # 19

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posted 10-21-2003 01:46 AM      Profile for cfalcon   Email cfalcon   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Thank you Mario, peace has returned to our fair Mushroom Kingdom.

Or something.

Anyway, they changed the ending, probably because the whole "our princess is in another castle" joke is a reference to a game that came out in 1985 (though, in fairness, it has been referenced as late as like 99 or 2000 or whenever SMB DX came out on gameboy).

Anyway, for a gameboy game, it's really great.

For the Mario 3 update I've been waiting for since I was like 12, it's fairly wanting. I'll buy the E-reader, the cards, and the Mexican hooker I need in order to actually get to the new levels, which may or may not be cool.

Oh, he doesn't *only* say "Just what I needed." Sometimes he says "Gotcha" and other gay things, but they are all better than the "Just what I needed."

He also gives a "Here we go!" when we enter levels, but I'm fine with that.

A couple nice new screens (a "select a world" screen is nice, after you beat the game).

I didn't check to see if I had a ton of P-wings. Prolly not.

From: 39°45' N, 104°52' W | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
137
Whiner
Member # 1465

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posted 10-21-2003 03:42 AM      Profile for 137   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Red, Valkyrie is about.
To die.

From: Space. Like, outer space. | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged
Fish
Farting Nudist
Member # 267

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posted 10-21-2003 06:42 AM      Profile for Fish     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
way to fuck it up, you're supposed to just let him continue talking to himself

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Bullshit.

From: Phoenix, AZ | Registered: Apr 2000  |  IP: Logged
veloS
8=D~~O:
Member # 2636

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posted 10-21-2003 10:05 AM      Profile for veloS     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
Well, it's screwed up anywayS...

Why do you hate Mario's voice so much, cfalcon? It's definitely not as gay as the OoT screams they added to Zelda aLttP.

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www.mightyrhapsody.com

From: Amsterdam | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged
cfalcon
OLDNBLD
Member # 19

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posted 10-21-2003 02:54 PM      Profile for cfalcon   Email cfalcon   Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
OoT screams they added to Zelda aLttP...

Took a miss on that one. Apparently he yips when you use your sword. That's kinda rare on the N64 and GCN, but on the SNES it's like 4 yips / minute.

I don't mind the level entry noises. I just don't get it on the powerups.

Why isn't there like, a second quest or something? That would rule, but actually require three guys to sit around for two weeks and make new levels, so I guess they didn't want to play with that idea.

Unless they can get compensated PER LEVEL! YES!

It really wouldn't have been hard to make me happy with Mario 3 related stuff. It's like trying to please a dog when all you have is a handful of steak: you pretty much would have to shit on the steak to make the dog pause, and actually eat it yourself to piss him off. Why? It was *so easy*?

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Subject: Ninja and Opensource

From: 39°45' N, 104°52' W | Registered: Feb 2000  |  IP: Logged
137
Whiner
Member # 1465

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posted 10-24-2003 05:23 AM      Profile for 137   Author's Homepage     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by Fish:
way to fuck it up, you're supposed to just let him continue talking to himself

Oh, whoops.
From: Space. Like, outer space. | Registered: Jan 2001  |  IP: Logged
veloS
8=D~~O:
Member # 2636

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posted 10-24-2003 09:55 AM      Profile for veloS     Send New Private Message      Edit/Delete Post  Reply With Quote 
quote:
Originally posted by cfalcon:
Why isn't there like, a second quest or something? That would rule, but actually require three guys to sit around for two weeks and make new levels, so I guess they didn't want to play with that idea.

They did add the palace of the 4 Sword in aLttP.

quote:
Originally posted by cfalcon:
It really wouldn't have been hard to make me happy with Mario 3 related stuff. It's like trying to please a dog when all you have is a handful of steak: you pretty much would have to shit on the steak to make the dog pause, and actually eat it yourself to piss him off. Why? It was *so easy*?

I like you. [Trash Koffing]

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www.mightyrhapsody.com

From: Amsterdam | Registered: Feb 2002  |  IP: Logged


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